


this is me trying

by Ad_caeruleam



Category: The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: And so is Zelda, Angst, Arguing, DLC Spoilers, Dependency, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Violence, Link is Bad at Feelings, Post-Calamity, Psychological Trauma, Romance, Sassy Purah, Scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:22:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26334826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ad_caeruleam/pseuds/Ad_caeruleam
Summary: She looked at him. The deep frown and the tight grasp on her wrist. She knew he wasn’t planning of letting her go until she spoke. He was sure she was hiding something.She could notice he had no idea what it was, though. And it made her mad that he could be so sharp yet so clueless at the same time.“You’re right, I’m upset.” She admitted, still holding his gaze. “I’m upset with you.”
Relationships: Link/Zelda (Legend of Zelda)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 196





	this is me trying

**Author's Note:**

> I started this. Had a breakdown.
> 
> Enjoy.

When Link asked her for permission to leave for another trial yet again, she hesitated.

She wanted to say no, of course. She wanted to say no to any plan or suggestion that included Link being separated from her. And that was just as problematic as it sounded.

She was under the obligation of working on it, as it wasn’t fair for him. It has been months since they defeated Calamity, and she had clung to him as if he was the oxygen she needed to breathe. She wasn’t exactly ashamed of it, and no one ever reprimanded her for her behavior; Link included.

She guessed after one hundred years of fighting against the Greater Evil under the promise of reuniting again with her fallen knight, gave her the privilege of being slightly needy. He died in her arms, after all.

But that privilege was temporal and she was already abusing it as Link hasn't left her side for once, stuck with her in Hateno while she and Purah worked on new modifications for the Sheikah Slate. He used Sheikah technology more often than anyone else, but he was far from understanding the science behind it, therefore he could only sit and watch.

Spending his days like this was draining. He never complained, but she could notice his boredom, the lack of interest in his eyes and voice as he anxiously wandered around the shelves of books he would never want to read, listening to conversations he didn’t understand. He took every chance to leave as often as he could.

It wasn’t that Purah’s lab was especially boring or uncomfortable for him, he simply didn't like being indoors for long periods. He wanted to go outside and explore even if there wasn't anything new to see besides lizards and beetles. He craved adventure just as much she craved knowledge. Preventing him from seeking it was cruel, she knew that pain very well as her father never approved and ultimately forbid her investigations.

So, after considering it very carefully, she agreed.

It was just for a few days, right? He assured her that. It'd be fine.

He left.

And it turned out it wasn’t for “a few days”, no, it was more than a month.

That...wasn’t fine at all.

Perhaps she should’ve seen it coming. She didn’t know much about it, as Link didn’t know himself either. It was called “Trial of the Sword” and apparently it served to “improve” the Master Sword’s power when it wasn’t fighting pure malice. He took the Sheikah Slate with him, which left her with a very unhappy Purah. 

Originally, he intended to do it before facing Calamity, but the idea of taking even longer to reach the Castle made him anxious. He couldn’t bear the idea of Calamity Ganon breaking out of his imprisonment and most likely killing her in the process because he was too busy doing “side quests”. Now that she was safe, he could take it easy and do it for fun, out of curiosity.

It was another trial out of hundreds he had done, it’d be fast, or so he thought. They thought.

Now she was alone, her limitless imagination filling the immense gaps of information about why he wasn’t back yet.

It made her realize that she wasn’t as…stable as she claimed, to no one’s surprise. No soul expected her to be, after what she went through.

It wasn’t just her; people frequently talked about those who had the misfortune of witnessing the destruction and annihilation that took away hundreds of lives. The survivors never found peace, being haunted by the rawest form of true fear and the memory of what they lost and would never get back.

She saw it, too. She saw all of it. Fields and towns surrounded by deviant guardians, shooting lasers until there was nothing but ashes and corpses and rain and the smell of burned skin. It haunted _her_ for one hundred years.

She never got a break. Keeping Calamity at bay wasn’t easy. More than a monster, it was a feeling, an aura, a concept. It was hatred, despair, cruelty, perversion, depravity. It crept on her, trying to corrupt her like it corrupted everything it touched. It never allowed her to forget the events that got her in that situation for even one minute.

It scarred her. She would never be the same person again, but she was hoping it’d get easier eventually.

It was weird to talk about it; time flew differently while she was trapped. Everything was different, her senses and thoughts. She wasn’t a _person_ for one hundred years. She had forgotten how to be one and needed to learn again how to feel normal. 

Link helped, he helped even before waking from his slumber. Despite the fact she lacked a physical body and the power of the Goddess invaded every inch of her being, she was still a Hylian, and Hylians grew tired. There were times when she thought about resting, giving up a little, letting _it_ escape from her grasp briefly, just so she could stop. Stop hearing, stop looking, stop thinking. She wanted to be carried away by nothingness and lay there until she felt strong enough to keep fighting.

But she couldn't do that. If she lowered her guard even one second, Calamity would be ready to slip away and attack the biggest threat its existence would face, the one that slept peacefully at the Shrine of Resurrection.

Calamity tried to infect that place with Malice so many times, but he couldn’t, because she never let it, no matter what it took.

She protected him so they could be together again. He gave her strength, solace, and comfort. Before, during, and after Calamity. The reason why she hasn’t crumbled like the castle did at the weight of her mourning was him. The reminder that not everything was lost, that she could hope and dream about the future.

But he was gone and far from hopeful, she felt abandoned, anxious, and depressed.

She knew it wasn’t Link’s fault, he left her because she told him she would be fine. She wasn’t on her own, Purah was there, she would barely spend any time by herself, but she overestimated her ability to think about anything but him.

She couldn’t work when her mind wouldn’t stop wondering about Link. Where was he exactly? What was he doing? Was he okay? Was he cold? Was he hungry? Wounded? Lonely? Scared?

It was similar to when she was trapped in the Castle and he was freeing the Divine Beasts. Whenever she wasn’t looking at him, she was obsessively worrying about him, guilt swallowing her core as she had left a boy with no memories, alone, in a hostile world, to fulfill the most frightening role she could think of.

It was his choice this time, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t worried. Purah noticed and tried to ease her panic.

“He’s fine.” She said to her one afternoon, waving her hand dismissively. “I stopped worrying as soon as I understood Hylia made him immortal, he can’t die even if he tried to. And he has tried.”

She had her doubts about that, but ultimately decided to not discuss Link's presumptuous inability to perish. "But he has taken so long," she retorted, instead “what could have stopped him from coming back?”

"Oh, I bet he's just fooling around," Purah answered, unbothered. “He has the attention span of a toddler; he might have seen something shining in the distance and took a detour.”

“A detour?” Zelda asked, not being able to hide the hopelessness in her voice. “Then, when is he going to come back?”

Purah lifted her hand and pressed one of her fingers to her chin, thoughtfully. “Before New Year?”

Goddess, it was barely July!

It couldn’t possibly take him that long. She couldn’t possibly endure it.

Their small house in Hateno, simple and cozy, felt suffocating without him. Empty and lifeless. The nightmares she thought she had conquered came back stronger than ever, her only comfort being her own arms wrapped around her, staring at the night sky through the window.

She thought about going after him, taking his horse, and ride towards Kolog Forest. She didn’t know what she would do after getting there, she didn’t know if she could interrupt this trial or if she would have to wait until he finished anyway, but it would be better than just sitting in Purah’s lab and do nothing.  


He appeared before she could put that plan into action.

It was…awkward.

He had the Slate with him, and Purah’s laboratory had a wrap point right in front of the door. There was no way of sensing his presence until he pushed the door open and walked inside the facility.

His timing was flawless, she’ll give him that. Symin handed her a cup of tea she enthusiastically thanked just so she could dramatically drop it at the sight of him. She didn’t even taste it.

He was back. He was finally back. She had been waiting for him so impatiently and he was now standing in front of her. She hasn’t seen him in more than a month, for the love of Hylia.

She was dumbfounded, a rush of emotions striking her with the speed of thunder. She stared at him and when their eyes locked, well.

He looked different.

At first sight, it wasn’t very noticeable. Although that month felt like an eternity for her, objectively it wasn’t an extended period of time for a race that typically lives for over seventy years. Yet, she scrutinized him and realized a few things.

He was skinnier, enough to decrease the roundness of his cheek slightly, making his jaw-line and cheekbones stand out more. His clothes were clean and intact, which was strange given his face certainly was not. His hair appeared messier than usual and he had a few cuts covering his skin, one decorating his lower lip, not to mention the deep dark circles under his eyes. He seemed unbothered by all of this.

None of these characteristics particularly surprised her, what shocked her was something else.

He was radiant.

Despite his rather bruised and exhausted form, his blue eyes were burning bright in excitement, his lips forming a toothy, triumphant grin. He stood proud and satisfied.

Realizing this made her tongue taste bitter. While he could be described as looking refreshed and content, these days Purah had been complaining about how she resembled that one withered, sad flower she forgot to water for weeks.

It seemed like their separation didn’t affect him at all. It shouldn’t hurt, but it did.

"I'm back." He announced, finally. His voice low and raspier than the last time she heard it.

She blinked, the lump in her throat not giving up. It was Purah who greeted him.

“Mmm, weird. I presumed it would take you longer.” She said, casually. His sudden return didn’t surprise her, her face blank with boredom. She jumped off the stool she had climbed on to and walked towards him. "Did it work?"

He nodded energetically, throwing one of his hands behind his back and drawing out the Master Sword from its sheath.

A gasp escaped her lips when Link held it in front of Purah.

Her journey to put the Master Sword back in its pedestal replayed vividly in her head. She remembered the state the sword was in, the damaged blade engulfed in dirt. The sharp edges were abused and shattered, unable to cut through as they should. If it was any other sword, the only solution would be to throw it away; it was useless.

Now that she thought about it, it was ironic. She hated that sword, back then. Whenever she looked at it, it did nothing but disgust her, a constant reminder of a prophecy full of chaos and despair. But, when Link fell and she had to take the sword away, it filled her with sadness and indignation. Such a sacred and majestic piece should have never been corrupted.

She prayed for the sword to recover to its former glory.

Now, the perfectly polished and clean metal did not only reflect the light rays from every source, but it also glowed with unparalleled power.

She could no longer hear the voice within it, but she was sure it was pleased.

Purah remained unimpressed.

“Oh, it glows, I see.” She commented, her finger pushing her glasses back. “Now it’s also a lantern.”

Link frowned, visually offended. “That’s not-”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, your big knife is sharper now, congratulations.” She raised her flat palm at him. “The slate, please.”

In one smooth movement, he returned the Master Sword to its sheath. The Slate was hanging at the side of his hip; he grabbed it and placed it on Purah’s hand.

She smiled at him. “Thank you, Linky.”

Having reached her goal, she switched her attention to the Slate, ignoring Link. He didn’t mind at all.

She realized she hasn’t addressed him yet. It was bizarre how she had been missing him so much and now that he was at her reach, she suddenly didn’t know what to say. She took a step forward, decided to eliminate the distance between them, but Link had other plans.

He looked at her, and then at Purah fiddling the Slate, and then at Symin who was picking up the pieces of her shattered cup and nodded, satisfied. "It seems like not much happened while I was gone." 

"Nope," Purah confirmed, distracted.

He yawned loudly, turned around, and pulled the door open. “I’m going back home to rest, I’m all beaten up. See you guys later.”

“Thank you for gracing us with your presence again.” The sarcasm in Purah’s voice was remarkable.

“You’re welcome.” Link replied, closing the door after him.

She blinked, confused. Did he…leave?

She couldn’t believe it. What did just happen? She didn’t even get the chance to talk to him. He disappears for a month and when he comes back, he goes to sleep right away?

How-?

“Is everything okay, Princess?” asked Symin, no more broken porcelain at sight. “You look perplexed.”

* * *

When she went back to their house, she found Link sleeping heavily on their bed.

He wasn’t kidding when he said he got all beaten up.

He took off his Champion tunic and undershirt, sleeping bare-chested, allowing her to inspect all his new bruises and scars. She grimaced at his poor state.

She sat on the other side of the bed, careful to not wake him up. The sun filtered through the windows, hot and beaming, but that didn’t disturb him. She sensed she wouldn’t be able to snap him out of his dreams even if she tried.

She proceeded with caution, her finger just briefly touching the skin of his arm, moving over a scar that wasn’t there before.

She didn’t understand his reasoning. She could sympathize with his adventuring side; she could see the appeal in the rush of adrenaline he experimented when he was faced with a new challenge. It was fine, fighting for fun, as long as it didn’t suppose a real danger.

But this? He could’ve died. She watched the dark spots on his skin, caused by his blood vessels breaking at the impact of every strike he took. Some cuts were deep enough to require a suture.

She couldn’t even imagine what kind of monster or monsters could harm him that much. It was stupid. He didn’t need an upgrade for the Master Sword, there was nothing else to fight!

He didn’t care. He enjoyed it. This was what made his eyes shine and brought a smile to his lips, unlike the bored expression he wore when he was with her. Calamity was gone for good, and monsters went away with it. There wasn’t enough Malice left to even form a Moblin, all they could find were stray bokoblins lurking around abandoned zones, more inclined to escape than to attack.

She wondered what it meant. If there was nothing left to fight, would Link leave to search for it? Explore other places outside Hyrule? Would he be happy at a peaceful land, with her?

She didn’t know, and she was too scared to ask.

Not wishing to dwell on the subject further, she slowly sank on the bed, lying next to Link.

The muscles of his face were relaxed, his brows not being pushed down by a frown as they normally are. His messy blond hair splattered across his pillow, his breathing deep and steady.

Her heart ached.

* * *

She didn't realize she fell asleep until the smell of freshly cooked meat invaded her nostrils and woke her up.

It took her a few seconds to register her surroundings and remember what happened before she had fallen asleep.

Link.

She turned her head to the side, just to find herself in an empty bed; a sight that has become familiar. But, if she was smelling food, it meant that he was downstairs cooking for them, so she couldn’t really complain; she was starving.

Feeling conscious enough to move, she lifted her back off the mattress and stretched her arms over her head. She felt numb, not completely awake yet.

She glanced at the window near the bed, noticing it was dark outside. If she recalled correctly, it meant she slept through the entire afternoon. That explained her dizziness.

She got up and went down the stairs, combing her hair with her fingers. 

She found the source of all her worries there.

He had a shirt on this time. At first, she was staring at his back, and when he turned around, he was holding a small table knife and a fork.

It was always surprising how different he looked now, compared to back then. Against all odds, despite his fatal wounds and the Shrine of Resurrection stopping his aging entirely, he had managed to grow more. He was a few inches taller now, and his body had gotten bigger, broader. His face lost some of his child-like features. He was a young man, now.

She wondered if she looked like a young woman, too, instead of a child.

She felt old. Very, very old.

He smiled timidly at her, "I was about to wake you up." He made a gesture towards the table in the middle of the room. "Dinner's ready."

She glanced at the two smoky plates of salt-grilled meat on the table.

“I would’ve done something more elaborated, but I was too hungry.” He explained, apologetic. Her stomach groaned. Maybe salt-grilled meat wasn’t much for Link, but to her who had been surviving with Purah’s (awful) and her own (even worse) cooking, it looked exquisite.

She hadn’t had a proper meal in more than a month.

“You lied.” She said, crossing one of her arms over her stomach. He looked confused.

“Huh?”

“It wasn’t a few days,” she clarified. “You left for more than a month.”

His expression softened, and he murmured a small “ah” before walking to his side of the table. “Yeah, I’m sorry; I didn’t know it would take so long.”

He placed the cutlery next to the other plate, her seat. He didn’t like using forks or spoons to eat. He told her he didn’t have those at first, by the time he got them; he was already accustomed to eat with his hands. He only used them when it was strictly necessary.

She didn’t move, she stood in the same place she had when she came down. Her eyes were glued to his face as he took the first bite of his meal. He noticed her stiffness and expression. 

“Is there something wrong?” he asked, his voice tinted with concern.

“I don’t-” she started, trying to hide the emotion in her voice. She looked down for a second, at her feet. “I saw it, all your bruises and wounds. Are you okay?”

"Oh no, I'm fine, don't worry about me." He said, and there was a hint of amusement in his tone like the situation was somehow funny to him "It was a rough trial, that's all."

“How?” She couldn't hide her curiosity. The innumerable hypothesis of what that endless trial could've been about drilled her brain for days. She had to know.

“Aren’t you hungry?” he inquired. “Your dinner will get cold.”

She looked at her plate. It wouldn’t hurt to give it a bite, would it? It would be her first and only solid meal she had today.

Moving slowly, she sat at the table, the smell almost making her forget her uneasiness. Grabbing her fork and knife, she cut through the thick flesh.

It tasted just as good as it smelled.

She had all the intentions of listening to a detailed description of the trial, no matter how crude, but she wasn’t ready for the first thing that came out of his mouth.

“I was naked.”

She stared at him. “I beg your pardon?”

“The monk guy took all my stuff,” he bit, chewed, and swallowed. “He threw me naked in a big room full of monsters. No weapons, no shields, no food, nothing but my underwear and the slate."

Oh.

As studying shrines had always been one of her main fields of interest, she excitedly asked Link to describe the challenges inside them as soon as she could. Shrines varied a lot in themes and objectives, some of them tested his skills with the Sheikah Slate, others his strength, and even his capacity to solve puzzles. It was delightful to hear; they maintained a balance and made sure they would train the Hero in all the subjects that could be helpful for his role.

This one, nonetheless, stroke as…  
Brute.

And it was, given the severity of his wounds.

She stared at the cut on his lip and pondered about what monster did it.

“How many enemies?”

“Plenty.” He replied, just as she expected. “At first it was just a few weak monsters like bokoblins, and then it got worse.”

“Was defeating them the only objective?” She frowned. Too simplistic.

“There were different floors.” He took the last bite of his piece of meat. “I had to kill everything in the room for the platform to work. The further I went, the harder it got. A Stone Talus, A Hinox, a Lynel, a few guardians, I fought all of them.”

She nodded, thoughtful. Then, something she had been wondering the whole time, made its way past her lips. "If it had gotten too hard for you, were you allowed to quit?"

That made him stop for a second, considering her question. “I don’t know. I never tried, but I don’t see how I could quit.”

She felt her animosity leave her body. She didn’t see the point in being upset anymore, yes, he had decided to leave, but he didn't have any control over the trial, he didn’t know it’d take him so long, or that it was going to be so dangerous. It wouldn’t be fair to hold it against him.

“Well, whoever did this trial wasn’t very considerate of the Hero.” She concluded, cutting another bite of her dinner. “I don’t think it was very wise to have you fight monsters non-stop for over a month, it’s-”

“I mean,” he interrupted her, licking his fingers “that was kind of my fault.”

“Why?”

“The trials weren’t that long, but I didn’t want to waste any time so I went through them sequentially.”

“Wait,” She dropped her fork. “Trials? It was more than one?”

“Oh, yeah.” He confirmed, casually. “Three trials. Once I finished, the monk sent me back to Kolog Forest. I took two or three days to rest and then went back in.”

“You took days to rest?” she asked, distressed. “Where?”

“I stayed in Kolog Forest. They have a little leaf bed for me.” He said, with a smile.

She couldn’t believe it.

“Are you trying to tell me you could’ve been back earlier?”

He shrugged. “I guess so?”

She gave him an exasperated look. “Then why didn’t you come back!? You had the Slate with you, it would’ve taken you a second!”

"Yeah, but," he frowned like she was talking nonsense. "Why would I do that?"

She didn’t know what else to say. She observed his expression, undeniably unaware of how this statement could affect her. She wasn’t sure if it _should_ affect her or not, what mattered was that it did. While she cursed every day she had to spend away from him, he had the chance of coming back and didn’t. He preferred staying in Kolog Forest and sleep on a leaf bed than coming back home.

Still, she tried to not take it personally, perhaps it didn’t occur to him, he had been incredibly busy, it didn’t mean-

“You just reminded me,” he said, sinking even further in his chair, using a napkin to clean his hands. “Great Deku Tree asked me the same thing. He told me to come back home and rest, that the trials would be waiting for me as I took time to recover, but I didn’t want to.” He chuckled, placing the napkin back on the table. “He told me I was unwise.”

She held his gaze. “I think I did the right choice. Coming back would’ve been a mistake, there’s no way Purah would’ve let me leave again until she finished the upgrades for the Slate.” He threw his head back, his face looking at the ceiling as he sighed deeply. “But I guess I could’ve rested more, after the second Trial. It’s been a while since I haven’t checked certain zones. One more week away wouldn’t have hurt anyone, right?”

She didn’t answer that, and she was glad he wasn’t looking at her.

She felt bitter and embarrassed. It was ridiculous, her dependency on him forced her to brush off all the signs that Link was pretty much alright without a companion. He wouldn’t admit that, he would take any role she assigned to him, no questions asked. He was dutiful and selfless, but he didn’t need to be. After everything he had done for her, for Hyrule, the least she could do was allow him to enjoy his freedom.

Instead of that, she thought about making the longest trip to Kolog Forest and interrupt his Trial because she couldn’t stand being alone, because her heart decided he was the only one she needed by her side.

This was her problem, not his. She had no right to complain.

Yet… 

“Zelda,” he called her, his face masked with worry. “What’s wrong? You’ve been acting off today.”

She quickly pushed the corners of her lips up and tried her best to hide her internal conflict. She wasn't planning on bottling up forever; she had to talk to him, eventually. Push to him to admit what he really wanted.

But she couldn’t do that now.

“It’s nothing.”

“You don’t sound like it’s nothing.”

The smile on her face faded; there was no point in faking it if it wasn’t believable. Then she should try a different strategy.

“I’m alright, perhaps tired. It’s been a long week.” She said, grabbing her plate and standing up from her chair. “Please, allow me to clean the dishes. It’s only fair that I get to do it.”

“But-”  
“Have you finished?” she asked, pointing the empty plate in front of him.

He nodded. She walked around the table to take away his plate, maintaining a blank expression. She placed her own plate over his, ready to carry both of them with one hand, but he wrapped her wrist with his fingers, stopping her.

They looked at each other, Link’s gaze intensively examining her face.

“Are you upset?”

“No.”

She averted her eyes. He wasn’t convinced.

"Is it because I took the Slate?" he inquired, trying to lock eyes with her again.

“It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?”

She looked at him. The deep frown and the tight grasp on her wrist. She knew he wasn’t planning of letting her go until she spoke. He was sure she was hiding something.

She could notice he had no idea what it was, though. And it made her mad that he could be so sharp yet so clueless at the same time.

“You’re right, I’m upset.” She admitted, still holding his gaze. “I’m upset with you.”

His confusion deepened “Me? Why?”

“Why, you ask?” Her frustration quickly turned into irritation. His obliviousness fed the voice at the back of her head yelling that she wasn’t being rational, but that voice lacked enough strength to take over the storm of emotions swirling inside her head. “Can’t you figure it out?”

He didn’t appreciate her tone. “How could I know if you don’t tell me? I can’t read your mind, Zelda.”

Her pulse accelerated with every exchange.

“I don’t want to do this now.”

An ironic half-smile crossed his lips. “Well, that’s too bad. We’re already doing it.”

“Fine.” She agreed, her tone and expression matching the bitterness in her tongue. “Since it appears to be so difficult to grasp for you, I’ll explain. I’m not stupid, Link. Did you assume I wouldn’t notice how bothersome it is for you to stay in Hateno with me? Given how blatant you are about it, I suppose you didn’t care.”

She wouldn’t wait for him to reply, as his expression told her enough; she was tired of him playing innocent. “Don’t act like I’m talking nonsense, you were very precise in your wording, I fear. You didn’t have the decency of coming back for one second to let me know you were fine, to check if I was fine, no;” she spat her speech, her body stiff and tense. “You dared to disappear for more than a month because you preferred being thrown by monsters and sleeping on a pile of leaves than being here.”

He stared at her, silently. His confusion changed to something she couldn’t identify, his face relaxed, along with his grip that had become soft, almost gentle.

She snatched her arm.

“How could you think it was a good idea to leave for so long?” She placed her hands on her hips and lowered her head, staring at the wooden floor. “Even a blind person would’ve noticed I don’t want to be alone, not anymore.” Her voice cracked. “It doesn’t matter if I spend the afternoons with Purah, or Impa, or anyone else, I need you here. I need you to sleep with me, eat with me, talk to me, every day, or I’ll-”

She paused, taking deep breaths, trying to clear her mind.

“Zelda,” The way he pronounced her name was so careful. Pitiful.

“No, no, let me finish.” She hurriedly interrupted him, closing her eyes, moving her hands. To her front, her sides, her face, pushing back her ears a few golden locks of her hair. “I know it’s my fault, I know I’m being selfish and this isn’t fair for you. You don’t owe me anything; I won’t force you to keep carrying out an oath you don’t even remember taking, but I can’t help it.” Her heart was beating fast and loud, throbbing in her eardrums. “All this time, I haven’t stopped thinking about you, I’ve been worried and sad and I couldn’t even sleep. I’m sorry.”

She raised her head and looked into his eyes. “It was wrong that I assumed it was fine for me to be this way. It clearly isn’t. I shouldn’t be upset because you reminded me that, but I am. ”

She observed how his lips turned into a thin line, how his jaw clenched and his eyes drilled through her. It was an unfamiliar expression for her. Now it was him who looked upset, which was a rare sight. 

A wave of anxiety took over her, fearing what that reaction could mean. Was he mad at her for being so fussy? It had to be annoying, dealing with her. She was clingy, gloomy, and unstable. She had nightmares and panicked and grieved more than anyone else should. He was trapped because she was too scared to leave this house and face the fact that her land changed and moved on without her and her family and her friends and everyone she knew one hundred years ago.

All she wanted was time. Time to adjust. To heal. To finally be herself.

She didn’t want to do it alone.

Suddenly, he wasn’t sitting on his chair. He was standing right in front of her, one his arms wrapped around her waist, the other pushing her face into the crook of his neck, caressing the back of her head. His familiar scent invaded her nostrils and comforted her.

“I’m sorry," he muttered, breathless.

The soft material of his shirt felt good against her cheek. She ran out of energy to argue, or even feel mad. She was just tired.

“It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not.” The desperation in his voice was palpable. “I hurt you, and I don't even, I don't," he swallowed hard enough for her to notice. "Do you think that's how I feel?" 

She grabbed the loose cloth around his hip, closing her fists. “Yes.”

“For how long?”

“Since we left Kakariko,” she answered, weakly. “You look bored and unhappy.”

He stepped back from their embrace and grabbed her shoulders, looking straight in her eyes. “Listen, Zelda,” he paused, conflicted, struggling to find the words to express himself. “I’m sorry I made you I think that, okay? That’s not what it’s happening, this is a misunderstanding.”

“How?”

He didn’t respond right away. He took his time to sigh, heavily. “You’re not the problem, Zelda. I’m the problem.” He said, his voice tinted with emotion. “Yes, I wanted to do the Trials, but not because I wanted to run away from you. I like being with you.”

“But you didn’t come back.” She retorted, confused. “You told me you didn’t want to be back.”

“I expressed myself badly,” he confessed, looking somewhat embarrassed. “It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be back, but I knew I shouldn’t, or I wouldn’t leave again.”

Oh.

"This is the thing," he released her shoulders, taking one of his hands at the back of his head like he usually did when he was nervous. "I'm an idiot, okay? I haven’t gotten used to it, to be in one place all the time. Ever since I woke up, all I’ve been doing is wander. I wandered for months without a single place where I belonged to; I don’t know what it’s like to have a home or someone waiting for me. No one ever cared if I disappeared for weeks, no one asked questions, or even mentioned it. So I thought, I assumed it would be the same with you, but I was wrong.”

She opened her mouth to protest, argue that it was ridiculous to think that she wouldn’t care, but desisted. She must admit she tried very hard to make it seem like it didn’t bother her so her feelings wouldn’t stop him from going. She was partly guilty.

Also, it wasn’t fair for her to judge how his experiences shaped the way his mind worked. She knew too much about that.

“It’s not that I’m unhappy,” he continued, shutting his eyes tightly. “I feel weird. It's weird to settle down. It's weird to have peace. I wasn't happy before, Zelda, I had everyone's future weighing on my back, I was terrified. I distracted myself with everything I could find, I fooled around because if I didn’t, then I don’t know what would’ve happened to me.”

When he opened them back, she wasn't prepared to see the vulnerability in them. "I have nightmares, too. And I'm anxious. I went from avoiding wasting time by not sleeping or eating to sit on Purah’s lab to see your work all day. And I enjoy it, I do, but at the same time; I can’t get used to resting. I can't get used to sleep, eat, and laugh without feeling guilty."

“You were wrong,” he added, dropping his arms to his sides. “I’m not unhappy here; I’m learning to be happy because I forgot how it felt.”

Silence. Only the crickets could be heard.

She had done it again.

She had done the same thing, back when she had a kingdom and he had a title. She misjudged him, concluding his coldness meant that he despised her. It was a bold, baseless, and childish conjecture that did nothing but made things harder for both of them. 

She didn’t entertain other reasons until his actions proved her wrong.

It never occurred to her that he was going through a similar struggle to hers.

Link acted so naturally and carefree that she thought he was fine. Unscarred. That he knew how to adapt better than she did.

How inconsiderate.

“I won’t do it again.” He reassured. “The damage is already done, but I know better now. Purah’s new upgrade will let us travel together with the Slate, and there’s so much I want to show you, so many places I need to take you, so many people you have to meet. It was never my plan to leave you behind. I hope that clarifies it.”

The sincerity of his words, the implications of his promises made her heart skip a beat. “Are you sure?” she clasped her hands together. “You don’t have to; no one will judge you if-”

“I don’t feel obligated.” There was no room for doubts in his eyes. “I want to.”

She didn’t ask again. Distrusting his actions was a mistake she should stop making. She believed him.

“It’ll get better.” Her voice was firmer this time. “For me. For both of us. It won’t be like this forever. It’ll be easier for me to be alone, eventually.”

“I know.”

The relief his statements brought made her legs shake. She had been so stressed, thinking she got it wrong. Thinking everything they did together came from a strong sense of responsibility, instead of fondness. She wasn’t a liability for Link.

He was with her. He wouldn’t leave again. She won’t lose him again.

He was there.

“Alright, then.”

She took a step towards him, almost eliminating any space left between them. He had both of his hands grabbing the edge of the table, leaning some of his weight on it. He observed her with open eyes, expectantly.

She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. She didn’t know what to say, or what to do. Should she thank him? Apologize for doubting him? Scold him for not being more open about his feelings?

“Zelda?”

Their proximity wasn’t helping to clear her mind. Calling her name only helped to change her attention from his eyes to his lips. Her gaze lingered for too long.

She took a step back.

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” she pointed at his lower lip “does it hurt? The scar you got there gives the impression of being very painful.”

The out-of-topic question took him by surprise, and he gave her a funny look. He had exposed his feelings to her, and this was the first thing she said after it?

Her cheeks were burning with shame.

“Not anymore.” He replied.

“How did you get it?” She didn’t know why she was asking. She didn’t care.

His answer was immediate. “A Moblin kicked me in the face.”

“Oh.”

She stared again at his broken lip. It didn’t look so bad, honestly. She wouldn’t mind if it left a mark.

Not that it mattered, outside the fact that she was compulsively reflecting on it since she desperately wanted to kiss him. She had fought the urge of kissing him for over one hundred years waiting for the right moment and she was sure as hell after starting the dumbest, most heated argument they’ve had in a long time because she couldn’t voice her concerns as a normal person and instead projected all her fears and insecurities into him wasn’t the “right moment”.

The adrenaline still ran through her veins. It was fine. They were fine.

She was so happy she couldn’t think. She was so happy she could cry. She might cry.

“I should,” she tried her best to sound casual. “I should clean the dishes like I said I would. We can talk more after I finish.”

He nodded, observing attentively as she walked closer to him again, grabbing the plates placed right behind his hand.

Her mind was telling her she should walk away before the situation got even more awkward. She did not. Alternately, she took a quick glance at his face. He was smiling timidly.

She smiled back.

“You should tell me if it starts hurting again,” she added, because she couldn’t shut up for once in her life. “I’ve been working on-”

He moved, quickly and precisely. He pressed his lips against her cheek and stayed there for a second.

“I already told you,” he had an easy, jovial smile “it doesn’t.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos appreciated!


End file.
